Monthly Archives: October 2012

Weekend in Hampton

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This story still makes me crack up and its at least 8 years old. Some of the Medford girls decided we were going away for the weekend and where do girls in their late 20’s go you ask……Hampton Beach. We pack up and head up for the weekend and like most weekends we decide to go away in the summer, the weather was terrible! So no beach time for the ladies. We had to make our own fun (this is not hard at all), we can have fun with a paper bag. We took in some sites, did some shopping, visited some local spots and ate lots of bad food. We were a little bored so we decided to make some fun.

Our room had an intercom system so that you can buzz people into the building and speak to the person before you let them in. Perfect what fun this could be. So we found about 4-6 teenagers skateboarding in our parking lot and being punks so these were the victims. I stayed inside for this test and the girls went outside so we could test the intercom system. It worked perfectly so this is what we did. In my loudest and craziest voice I held down the intercom button and started singing Tina Turners Private Dancer over and over and over again! One of the girls stayed outside so she could see the teenagers reaction as this went on. It was very difficult to keep from laughing on this one. This went on for I would say at least 30 minutes. We were running in and out of the building to discuss the happenings on the street while I was singing my heart out!

Moral of the story is: Even on a rainy weekend you can find some fun things to do. Maybe Intercom Karaoke will catch on!!!


Haunted House

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So this is a great story and maybe I actually learned an a-ha moment from it! This past Sunday we took my friend out for a birthday dinner in Salem, MA (home of the witches).  We had a great time and lots of laughs per usual. We decided that while we were in Salem around Halloween, why not take in the sites.

My friends love Haunted Houses and me on the other hand not really a fan. So we start out that the girls bought tickets to two Haunted Houses and I bowed out gracefully. My theory (probably because I have watched too many Lifetime Movies) is that if you are in a Haunted House there could be a crazy in there and maybe they have a real chainsaw, knife, or saw etc…. so why take the chance. My friends see another Haunted House and this one is supposed to be real scary and they buy tickets for this one as well. Through the evening I become the purse holder while the girls are on their adventure.

The girls are going in the last Haunted House and this is where it gets interesting. They are in line and I am holding the purses as per usual. So there is a couple in line with maybe a three year old and they are contemplating if the child can go into this Haunted House. Turns out she is too young, SHOCKER! So they are trying to leave the child with the with the staff because these parents of the year really need to go into this Haunted House. I over hear this and of course I cannot help myself. I tell the parents that I am waiting for my friends and if they want they can leave their three year old with me. With no hesitation they say yeah great thank you! So they tell the child that they are going to leave her. What I did not realize is that this child does not speak English which is great so now I cannot communicate with the child now. The parents go into the Haunted House and emerge about 6 minutes later.

Looking back on this, I was trying to be a good Samaritan and try to save the child from the creeps of the world. However in reality I could quite honestly be the nut. I offered to watch a strangers kid, they left the kid with me no hesitation and they disappear for 6 minutes. The things that could have occurred that I did not think about were: they might never come back, they could have accused me of stealing their child or they might have thought I would kidnap her.

The moral of this story I guess is for me: I should mind my own business and not volunteer for any of these good deeds. Sad we live in a world where we cannot trust people. There definitely was humor in this story because only I would have the ability to watch a child that does not speak English and while she is trying to communicate with me I just have to say yes, yes that is so great!


Ferns Motel

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This story is an oldy but a goody! It takes me back to early in my career. I was 19 and just started my first full time job at Lahey Clinic. This was a great entry level job and paved the way for me to figure out what I wanted to do with my career. The job was in the appointment office and we worked in pods of 4 people. This job was fun and I quickly learned how to conference many of my friends/co-workers all on the same line at the same time.

This is where the story gets good and I am not sure how it really started. We thought how fun would it be to prank call someone. I was 19, why was this not a good idea? So who do we prank call was the question and we talked about hotels on route 1 and wouldn’t it be fun to pull a prank on one of them. So we called a few and really did not get very far with any of them. Mostly people were annoyed with the stupid questions that we would come up with and it was not really much fun.

Finally we stumbled upon The Ferns Motel and if I must say so, we hit the jackpot! I can appreciate someone with a strong accent because my Dad has one. So when we called the Ferns Motel it went like this. First I got the crew all on the same line and made sure everyone was muted and then I called the guy and he asked how could he help me with his strong accent, I am not sure what nationality he was. I of course came up with a fictional family. I told him that my family was having a family reunion and that we were looking for a hotel that could house us. I told him we need space for everyone and that some of us needed private rooms, he told me this was no problem. I asked him if they had fridges in the room and he told me yes, I told him that was perfect. Then I asked him if they had stove tops because this was a family reunion and after all we are a big family and I love to cook for my family. He told me they DO NOT have stove tops, so I said great that will work out great because I love to cook for my family. I told him that I probably need to do a big grocery shopping and that if he and his staff would not mind it would be great if they could help me with my bags. I also told him that if they would like they can come over to our rooms and have a bite to eat. I told him we would probably be at the motel for a week. The nice man in his strong accent said to me again “ma’am we DO NOT have stove tops”. I thanked him again and said great because I love to cook and went through the whole story again and again and he was so frustrated that I could not understand him. We did this over and over again throughout the next few months. We made sure that when we called if we did not get him on the line we did not go through the story we could only talk to him. All these years later and this stories still brings tears of laughter to my eyes. We would laugh uncontrollably for hours about this and it would never get old every time we called. I think the thing that made it so funny was that every time we would call and I would get the crew on the line (on mute) they would be laughing hysterically right next to me and I had a straight face.

Moral of this story is: We all have to work full time jobs, but when you work with your friends and can share some fun times it makes your day go by fast so laugh often, it will keep you young!


Groped In Gaeta

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Last year on my summer vacation to Italy it started out as a very odd trip. The story I am about to tell you, is slightly disturbing, however does have some underlying humor.

Last year the family ventured off to Italy for what we thought would an uneventful family vacation. Boy were we wrong! On the first day of the vacation my Dad asked me if I wanted to go along to get the parking sticker with him, since we had no food in the house we could get some breakfast. I went along for the walk and it was like 95 hazy, hot and humid. The parking building was about an 6×8 room with no air. I stayed with my Dad for about 5 minutes and then told him that it was too hot and that I had to go sit outside on the steps and wait for him. There were 2 guys in front of him so I figured it would not take that long.

One of the guys game out he was an older man (in his 80’s). He starting talking to me in Italian so I figured he knew my Dad and it would be rude for me not to talk to him. He asked me questions like: Why are you in Italy? Why don’t you come live here with me? I just thought he was being silly and of course answered all his questions. For those that know about my Italian, you know that I can speak and understand dialect and I understand some proper Italian, however you have to speak slowly and most of the time I am missing a few words. So this guy sits on the stairs next to me and of course I still think he is my Dad’s friend and is waiting for him to catch up! He holds my hand and tells me I am pretty and asked me if I wanted to take a walk with him. I politely decline and say I am waiting for my Dad. The man then proceeds to tap the top of my chest under my neck (which in Italy) everyone does this, so I still don’t think anything of it.

This is where things get weird. I am still talking to this guy and he brushes across my breast and I say “no you can’t do that stop. Again I think this is a family friend or someone my Dad knows so I am trying to not slug the guy. We start talking again and he holds my hand and pulls my hand to go towards his private parts and that is when I finally get it! I told him don’t do that and I hit his hand! I got up from the stairs and went to go get my Dad. I explained to my Dad what happened and said is this your friend? My father tells me no he is some crazy old guy and he knows who he is. My father of course wants to find him and beat him up! I told my Dad I am fine, just a little shaken up at the dirty old man so please don’t start any trouble. I was more concerned for little children to beware of Mr. Pervert, however this 35 year old women at the time (me) should have been smarter! So we finally leave the parking registry and head home. I called my mother from the balcony and said guess what Ma, day 1 of vacation and I was Groped In Gaeta. I told her the whole story and she was laughing at first but then after she thought about it she was enraged.

I got over it but through the vacation we would talk about this crazy man and how I was “Groped in Gaeta”. After the initial shock and horror of this, I kept making jokes about it. But I will never forgot this man’s face. We saw him a few times around town and each time we saw him, my Dad wanted to punch the guy in the face.

The humor here was definitely from me, because all along I was talking to this fool and he was just an old pervert and of course I thought he was a friend of the family!

The moral of this story is a few things: 1. if you are not completely bilingual try to only communicate with who you know! 2. dirty old men are dirty old men and should not be touching anyone in any culture!