Monthly Archives: March 2013

Match.Juan

Most people would shy away from the offers for fix ups and the scary world of online dating. Not me I love a challenge so when Juan offered me his service of Match.Juan I chuckled! Juan tells me I should join him and his wife when they venture out to a latino club. Juan thinks the answers to my prayers is finding love with a latino man! I told Juan I need to be in charge I am not sure if this is going to work if this man is going to want to be in charge of me.

I mean let’s be honest I have been on all kinds of (let’s call them interesting dates). Let me give you some examples.

Interesting Date # 1

Against my better judgement I joined Match.com about 2 years ago. I figured you can’t really meet a guy in a bar and this might be a better way. After all some people have actually found love and later married!

I meet the guy at the restaurant and he is already at the bar and I am pretty sure has been at the bar for a few already! So we chat and have some dinner, he has more drinks and towards the end of the date he tells me he needs to take some Tylenol. His Tylenol is smaller than an infants pinky nail and he pops that with some booze. I am pretty sure he is taking some sort of drug. It’s Friday night how the hell am I getting out of this one. Dinner is over I am pretty sure he is high on something and definitely trashed. He asks me if I would like to join him at a bar down the street and I politely decline and say that I am tired. I get a text from him about 30 minutes later that says don’t flatter myself and on Monday he emails me and said I had a really great time when can we go out again?????? Are you serious buddy!

Interesting Character # 1

While on Match I had a guy email at least every few days like he knew me and would say things like:

I have tickets to the play Dirty Rotten Scoundrels on Friday let me know if you want to go

I have two Bruins tickets for April 24th (it was January) would you like to join me

I got a gift card for Christmas to the 99 Restaurant would you like to go out to dinner with me

I love taking walks on the beach I think you are the lady for me do you want to watch the bruins gain.

Of course this immediately freaked me out! Why after like 30 emails do you think I am going to say yes, I am about 30 seconds away from getting a restraining order.

Moral of the Story is: So after all this consideration maybe I should be trying Match.Juan.what do I have to lose, right? I will say that I did meet a few nice guys and they were actually normal so not a total loss, but I think I have more bad stories than good!


Don’t drink the water…………

I just came back on a fabulous vacation from Cancun, Mexico! Lot’s of good stories which you will read about. Lot’s of people made a face when I said I was going to Cancun. I heard things like well people just got murdered in Cancun, don’t drink the water, you will get robbed, watch out for the federalies and basically don’t go anywhere. I have to say I was completely worried and while packing for the trip I forgot many items because I was no nervous for my adventure. Was there anything to be worried about……maybe if you go downtown to the wrong parts sure but you can also get robbed and murdered in Boston. So my personal recommendation is yes definitely go to Cancun on vacation, it’s not just a spring break spot! It was super relaxing and the weather was simply incredible, the food was so yum! Stay at a nice place and you will be fine!

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Day 1: We are laying on the beach and like lots of beaches they are public and people are trying to make a buck so they sell you stuff on the beach. This man wants to sell us hats, we say no thank you we need sombrero’s and he asks “do you want a free massage” well I was speechless for a moment and said on no thank you!

Day 2: People let me tell you something, just because you are on a balcony does NOT mean people cannot see you!!!! Guess what I can see you and yes I know you are in your underwear, stop dropping your towels on the balcony keep your nakedness to yourself! On the bright side we did get to see a wedding from our balcony! All guests did have clothes on!

Day 3: You must apply bronzer (okay not really). Famous last words “use the bronzer” we have a great base, we are wearing our sunscreen but we decide its time to add bronzer. All I have to say is ouch! They always seem like good ideas!

Oh and how can I forget. I was proposed to while sitting in the lounge having a drink with Rosie. Seems like I will make a lovely “porch wife” what does this mean you ask. Well this 30 year old man says that he wants a porch wife to sit on the porch with and read books and discuss the news. He also says I will make a great mother and should marry him and move to Indiana. I politely decline the offer, but not before he asks me if I would like to see his waxed stomach. Only me!

Day 4: Let’s head into town and see the local fair. Check out some vendors and what not. We hop into a taxi and head to the “flea market” is what the locals call it. As soon as we pull up we are crowded by lots of men trying to lure us in theirs stores! It’s a bit overwhelming but I manage to say that we are simply browsing and we just want to be left alone. Rosie want’s to buy a sombrero so we negotiate with a vendor and we get free shot glasses. We are also offered “blow”. I am trying to be polite as possible and say no thank you and you should not do it either this will give you a heart attack. The guy tells me it’s good for his wallet not his heart. So we move on and just walk around and take the bus back to the resort. The bus driver certainly thinks he is driving a ferrari because he decides who really needs breaks anyways! Lots of good laughs this day!!! I also decide since Rosie bought a sombrero why not do the Mexican Hat dance (that video can be found on my FB page).

Day 5: Slightly uneventful just a day in the sun, we celebrated another birthday at the restaurant and the creepy waiter asked for Rosie’s number. We head to the spa and discover that one visit is just not enough, so we book another for the next day! Rosie says to me that if I keep going back to the spa the guy who is doing the massages is going to think I am looking for a happy ending lol!!!!!

Day 6: Final Day, just soaking up the sun, catching up with the friends we have made throughout the trip. We hit the spa again, have a nice dinner, do a little shopping where I point out to the lady that she is doing her math wrong with the pesos and that her pricing is not correct. I have us about $40. Job well done.

We are home, safe and sound in one piece, we made tons of friends, had tons of laughs. We are relaxed, bronzed and and happy to see some family and friends!

Moral of the Story is: Go to Mexico, don’t listen to people that that tell you not to go! We had a blast, use your head, travel in pairs, don’t get smashed and head out with strangers! Bottom line is we had a blast! I am looking forward to my next adventure!

 


pantalones de banano

By this time next week, I will be taking a vacation for the first time to Mexico. While at lunch this week I spoke to a few of my friends that are:

1. Fluent in Spanish

2. Actually grew up in Mexico

What did I learn this week! We learned that the only Spanish that I speak is:

Please, Thank you, Banana, Pants, and wait for it, wait for it…….Where is Santa Clause! So my friends recommended a few things that they think I should say to find the man of my dreams in Mexico! You know because I have done so well here with amazing men, why not try my luck in Mexico.

I was told to ask some of the men: Me gusta dar largos paseos por la playa y un beso, which translates to: I like to take long walks on the beach and kiss.

or: quieres ser mi marido, which translates to would you like to be my husband

I was also told maybe I should ask the DJ to play the Lambada “The Forbidden Dance”

These are just a few ideas! I mean I am so grateful for the great advice. I think I am just going to sit back and relax and enjoy the sun while in Mexico.

The moral of the story here is: I should try to NOT speak Spanish in Mexico I don’t want to offend anyone with my amazing phrases that I learned this week. I certainly don’t want to be that crazy American girl that only knows how to say Banana Pants or pantalones de banano!

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ABI

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I have always had a knack for getting to the bottom of a case, and by case I mean finding out the who, what, where, when, why. However I am having a tough time cracking this case at the work place.

Months back I observed that people at the work place will eat just about anything. So if you put a sandwich out that has been out for hours that has mayo people will eat it!!! I say gross. One day at lunch (where I get most of my ideas) I decided to conduct a test. I surveyed about 20 people and said, if you saw a sandwich on the lunch table that had a bite taken out of it and could have possibly been licked would you eat it???? Most people said well who licked it so I said me! Most of them said yes I don’t have a problem with that. I say gross and this is why I don’t like to eat food that people bring in unless I know them personally! I mean people have you heard of germs, its just yuck!

Fast forward a few months and things go missing out of the fridge that are clearly parts of people’s lunches. We had someone who had veggies burgers in the fridge in a container and someone actually thought this was fair game, or when you have cold cuts in the fridge you take the last few slices, or this was great. I packed grapes in a ziploc bag and I know how much I put in the bag, I go to get the bag of grapes and half of them are gone. People unless it says for general consumption its not yours!

A friend of mine has said to me that I should do one of two things to catch the thief around the office.

1. Lick all the grapes that are left in the bag, because its just gross!

2. Rub each grape that is left in the bag in ex-lax and who ever calls in with the poops is the thief.

I say genius!

Moral of the story is: Don’t eat what is not yours! You never know what you are going to get…..and that is why I am ABI or Always Be Investigating!