It’s hard to believe that its been 3 years since I have blogged. I feel like I have so much to say. This is going to be long…..but trust me for anyone struggling with anything this might help you. So much has happened in 3 years. I got engaged, married, pregnant and had a baby.
My husband tells me that everything happens the way it’s supposed to I have been trying to live by this as so many things happen that are beyond our control. Most days it helps but some days you can’t help but have a small pity party for yourself.
I found the love of my life late in life and it happened fast and it was great. I knew I always wanted to be a mom and as I approached 40 I was not sure this would be an option for me. A little over a year ago we found out the most amazing news that we were expecting. Now you worry about everything, will this be a viable pregnancy, will there be complications, will I be a good mom, god I hope I don’t screw up this kid. You hide the news for about 3 months because of all your fears and quite frankly it’s what society says to do.
On May 24th I met the most amazing little boy, I felt him in my belly kicking around and knew I would love him because we had already created a bond. Labor is hard I won’t lie and everyone tells you it’s worth it and you forget all about it. Well it’s worth it for sure but you don’t forget all about it. I had the most amazing partner to go through labor with, to say he was my rock was the understatement of the year. At 6:08PM I met Greysen and I fell is love with those big beautiful eyes and immediately worried about him, why is he not crying, is he breathing okay, and the list goes on and on. That’s just it you worry about everything all the time. That is the way I have always been, trust me I am trying to get better and just “enjoy all life’s moments”, so much easier said than done.
I have bonded with this little man for the last 14 weeks, I never knew you could love like this. He truly makes my heart smile. Today is a day I have dreaded for the last 14 weeks, it’s my last day of maternity leave. Tomorrow I go back to work and all I have done all week is shed tears over this. I know so many of my mom friends work full time. Unfortunately in this day most households need both parents working. So today I will give him extra hugs and kisses and to be quite honest he will never remember this and he is going to be just fine. I am lucky because my day care is my mom, who better to watch your child but the women who raised you. I know he will get lots of love and kisses and the most amazing care, after all she is the reason I wanted to become a mother.
I asked for a sign that “this shall pass” and I got it. Believe in signs look for them, ask for them and cherish them. They are messages from angels. In this photo a butterfly was on my son’s stroller and would not leave until helped by one of the workers at the Butterfly Place. I visited here and it was the perfect medicine it was quiet and beautiful. They played music and had benches to sit on and really helped me heal and Greysen smiled and laughed the whole time we were there.
So I will still dread tomorrow and I am sure I will have lots more tears but I have the best support system ever. I married the man of my dreams. He has been the best partner and helped me through my journey as a mom, never once over the past 14 weeks has he judged or laughed or thought I was nuts as I said some of the craziest things in my life. Marry the man who makes you laugh, holds you when you cry and is the best daddy in the world. I watch him sometimes with Greysen and I am complete, I love when they laugh together, or when Daddy tells him stories.
So with the help of my husband, and my parents and positive words from friends I will get through this. In the most perfect world we would have it all we could be mom’s with careers who only have to go into the office 3 days a week and still have 2 days a week at home with our little ones. Or we would all work for Google that has a 6 month paid maternity leave. In the meantime I will count all my blessings and like my husband says everything happens the way it’s supposed.