Road Trip

This past weekend I took a good old fashioned Road Trip with some friends for a wedding in Princeton, New Jersey!

You ask yourself some important questions while getting ready for your adventure! I think if you have even half of the shenanigans that we did you will have yourself a pretty amazing time!

Things you need:

1. Good Music

2. Good friends

3. Signs for the airport (if you are picking up passengers at the airport)

4. Stories (lots of stories)

Horn Honking 101

So we leave as two to start the adventure but eventually we end up being four people! The journey starts and about an hour into the trip me and MB are singing along and I tell her remember when you were a kid and you were on a trip with your parents and you tried to get truckers to honk their horn? I said let’s do this! Turns out I had the gesture all wrong after lots of years I forgot so I got some strange looks. Once I figured out to do this the proper way, I asked a trucker in traffic and he said no, I told him he should think about it! Next trucker in traffic and we have success, we are like two little kids so excited. The guy in back of us is cracking up at us!

Rest Area

About 3 miles into the trip I decide that I need a potty break, perfect timing there is a rest stop coming up. So we get off the exit and follow the signs to the PEZ Visitor Center. We are both wondering why the rest stop is so far off the exit! Let me tell you why, this is because it’s the actual PEZ visitor center what a trip! Factory workers are hooting and shouting to MB and saying hey pretty lady you smile for the photo! Good laughs and bonus a clean bathroom!

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Jenny from the Block

So we are back on the road and about an hour into this I say to MB, um I think I need a potty break she was like “now are you kidding me” I told her no you know I had that ice coffee I mean really! So I told her from 1-10 for urgency I was at about a 7. So we are about to get on the George Washington bridge (which no one told us to stay away from until after the road trip) I know this is my last chance for a bit! So I convince MB to pull off and we hit a gas station I told MB to lock the doors and if I die just put on my grave stone ” she had to pee”. The gas station did not have a bathroom but I met a nice lady who told that MacDonalds did. Just out of curiosity I wanted to know where in the world we were! So I checked us in! Turns out we were in the South Bronx, might not have been the best location for the ladies with matching t-shirts!

How to you get to Newark

So we have to pick up Lu and Gavin at the airport. Since we had the two hour traffic the boys were stuck at the airport waiting for us and maybe they had a few cocktails! We got so lost getting to the terminal it was a complete shit show! We finally show up at the airport with our sign and we pick up the precious cargo that smells like a brewery!  We finally got them and were off to the final destination the hotel!

Housekeeping, you want me fluff your pillows!

So we finally get to the hotel after getting lost again! We check in and I originally ask if we can have an adjoining room with the boys because I had this grand plan of knocking on their door at 4AM to say I was scared and had a nightmare and just need someone to hold my hand until I fell asleep, because all this sounds creepy and funny! I completely forgot about doing this! We were next door to the boys and instead I did this. The walls were paper thin so while in the bathroom I continuously yelled “housekeeping” and heard a knock on the wall, so I said Lu is that you can you hear me and knocked back! Oh what fun this was!

I am going to say something weird every 10 minutes!

So it’s time to Road Trip back home after a very amazing weekend. We had good times, with good friends, we laughed so hard we cried and attended the wedding of a very special friend who is near and dear to all of us! We need to thank him for this spectacular reunion!

We head back in the car and I am so exhausted and so silly that I decided that every 10 minutes I am going to say something weird. This turns out good and eventually everyone starts saying crazy stuff! We need a pit stop and a snack so we stop at a Friendly’s in god knows where! But the sites we see are priceless. There was a lady wearing coca-cola pajama pants (it was only 7pm) there was a man knawning on his corn so loud that it was distracting.

At the end of the day we had a blast we are still laughing about the jokes that happened along the way! If you ask me Road Trip was a complete success! And we had a good road crew!

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Moral of the story is; laughter is the best medicine!

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Love Conquers Hate……every time! (Joey Macintyre)

I have been thinking about the events that happened on Monday, April 15th. For some time now and have wanted to blog about them. I was not ready to do so until last week. So I would like to share the following blog with everyone.

On Thursday, May 30th, 2013 I attended the Boston Strong Concert. I have to say the concert itself was much more than that!

When the Marathon Bombings happened on Monday, April 15th, 2013 I personally felt a sense of disbelief. I asked myself so many questions. How could I live in a place that this would happen? Why do people want to harm and kill us? I got all sorts of crazy and went from someone who never watched the news to someone who always non stop watched the news (and was even nick named “live stream” )! I did not feel safe in the place that I lived in. I did not know what to do. Do I not go into the city? Was that the answer.

I thought to myself these Tsarnaev brothers must have been taught to hate, you don’t just wake up one day and say I have a great idea let me kill tons of innocent people! It makes me sad that most likely the parents and other influences of the boys taught them to hate and put lots of ideas in their heads.

I felt like I needed a way to heal a place to feel safe. I was so thankful for close friends that were actually part of the police search to catch the people that tried to destroy our city. People in Boston get labeled as not the friendliest people, that we drive like maniacs, and so many other stigmas. But the truth is the term Boston Strong could not be more true! As a city we united, we helped strangers, we cared and cried for people we did not even know.

I am proud to be from Boston. I am honored to have been a part of this amazing concert that Donnie Walhberg put together. I am happy that all of the ticket proceeds and all souvenirs that evening were donated to the One Fund. I will remember this event for the rest of my life not only for the bad that happened but for after the bad came all this love and good from strangers!

Everyone that was affected by this terrible tragedy has so much healing to do. Whether they lost limbs, were burned by metal, loss of hearing  or just escaped a tragic injury we all heal in different ways. I truly hope that in the wake of the events that happened that we continue to love and grow in this city and help the victims and the families heal through these difficult times. We are Boston Strong!

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We are all different, but in the end, we all fruit – Gus Portokalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

Yesterday I read an article about CEO, Mike Jeffries of Abercrombie & Fitch. The article was entitled “why he hates fat chicks”, the article goes on to explain that “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,”. ImageThe question was raised last night on my FB page and lots of people both men and women weighed in (no pun intended). Are you trying to tell me that the definition of “cool” is if you are a women you only wear a size 10 (average women’s size is a 12) and you only can wear up to a size large women’s top? I mean buddy have you heard of boobs??? On the men’s side they carry XL and XXL but that is only because they would like an athletic male to shop their stores! If you look up the definition of “cool” in the Webster dictionary the term is to refer to weather or climate. How bright is this guy?

I am a confident women. So my feelings were not affected by this article. I also don’t have children. But I can tell you this. When kids grow up today its hard enough to fit it. I think we all are against bullying! Why can’t you be different? I have lots of friends and they are all different! I love them for that! I don’t care if they wear a paper sack I love them for who they are, not what they are wearing and I could really give a shit less what size they are, but I can tell you I care about the size of their heart! If I am being honest I would not shop at Abercrombie because the clothes are too ordinary and its the same old black, white and navy and a little to casual for my taste. Clothes are an expression of who you are!

This article infuriates me because it leads me to believe by being different this can mean so many different things like if you have a learning disability or are mentally disabled that you are not “cool”, if you are wear glasses or braces are you not cool, grow up! I will tell you that when I am shopping personally I like the messages of some stores and I will shop at those stores and refer my friends. Why can’t you be a store that carries everything: petite, tall, plus size and regular sizes. News Flash: People don’t want to alienated for being a different size.

My friend Denae Pachucki came up with this last night as she was getting creative!

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Are we stooping to his level, sure we are! But I won’t tolerate someone being mean to kids and young adults that are trying to find themselves. If I had 5 minutes of this clowns time I would tell him to take a few minutes and go through his life. Spend your time doing something that people can respect. Just because you are a CEO does not mean you are smart!

Moral of the Story is: I think best said by the Dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding: We are all different, but in the end, we all fruit!


Bathroom Etiquette or lack of……….

I am not sure why after all these years of using public bathrooms that I am at all surprised that people are just little piggies! Read this blog at your own risk! Its going to get cray!

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We all use public restrooms and I mostly use the women’s room (except for when I am in Europe and the bathroom situation is unisex). It makes me wonder sometimes if people were raised by animals! For example the women’s bathroom at my work is so disgusting. Let’s go through all the reasons why!

1. It smells like a barnyard! (we have been told its a ventilation problem)

2. People think its okay to poop and not flush or poop and leave it on the seat! Um people you are gross, clean up your act…….literally!

3. This one makes me gag just writing about it! We all know women get a special time each month which causes us to menstruate…I have an idea please stop wiping your hands on the wall with the evidence of that! I think I just threw up in my mouth!

4. Have some shame! If you have to go, you have to go maybe instead of literally pooping your pants and making everyone in the bathroom sick, maybe you give some courtesy flushes! I am just saying! We know there is a book and it says “everyone poops” we know just be a little more discreet about it!

5. I have this funny feeling that the men’s bathroom is cleaner than the women’s bathroom. This is a scary thought!! Don’t you think!

6. Lastly and this is probably the most important if you remember nothing else of the rules that I discussed above! Wash your hands. No one wants to shake your hand after you peed on yourself or better yet pooped! I am just saying if you change a kids diaper you wash your hands right? If not you might as well eat out of the dumpster!

Moral of the Story: Clean up your act people, we were all raised better than this!

 

 


Match.Juan

Most people would shy away from the offers for fix ups and the scary world of online dating. Not me I love a challenge so when Juan offered me his service of Match.Juan I chuckled! Juan tells me I should join him and his wife when they venture out to a latino club. Juan thinks the answers to my prayers is finding love with a latino man! I told Juan I need to be in charge I am not sure if this is going to work if this man is going to want to be in charge of me.

I mean let’s be honest I have been on all kinds of (let’s call them interesting dates). Let me give you some examples.

Interesting Date # 1

Against my better judgement I joined Match.com about 2 years ago. I figured you can’t really meet a guy in a bar and this might be a better way. After all some people have actually found love and later married!

I meet the guy at the restaurant and he is already at the bar and I am pretty sure has been at the bar for a few already! So we chat and have some dinner, he has more drinks and towards the end of the date he tells me he needs to take some Tylenol. His Tylenol is smaller than an infants pinky nail and he pops that with some booze. I am pretty sure he is taking some sort of drug. It’s Friday night how the hell am I getting out of this one. Dinner is over I am pretty sure he is high on something and definitely trashed. He asks me if I would like to join him at a bar down the street and I politely decline and say that I am tired. I get a text from him about 30 minutes later that says don’t flatter myself and on Monday he emails me and said I had a really great time when can we go out again?????? Are you serious buddy!

Interesting Character # 1

While on Match I had a guy email at least every few days like he knew me and would say things like:

I have tickets to the play Dirty Rotten Scoundrels on Friday let me know if you want to go

I have two Bruins tickets for April 24th (it was January) would you like to join me

I got a gift card for Christmas to the 99 Restaurant would you like to go out to dinner with me

I love taking walks on the beach I think you are the lady for me do you want to watch the bruins gain.

Of course this immediately freaked me out! Why after like 30 emails do you think I am going to say yes, I am about 30 seconds away from getting a restraining order.

Moral of the Story is: So after all this consideration maybe I should be trying Match.Juan.what do I have to lose, right? I will say that I did meet a few nice guys and they were actually normal so not a total loss, but I think I have more bad stories than good!


Don’t drink the water…………

I just came back on a fabulous vacation from Cancun, Mexico! Lot’s of good stories which you will read about. Lot’s of people made a face when I said I was going to Cancun. I heard things like well people just got murdered in Cancun, don’t drink the water, you will get robbed, watch out for the federalies and basically don’t go anywhere. I have to say I was completely worried and while packing for the trip I forgot many items because I was no nervous for my adventure. Was there anything to be worried about……maybe if you go downtown to the wrong parts sure but you can also get robbed and murdered in Boston. So my personal recommendation is yes definitely go to Cancun on vacation, it’s not just a spring break spot! It was super relaxing and the weather was simply incredible, the food was so yum! Stay at a nice place and you will be fine!

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Day 1: We are laying on the beach and like lots of beaches they are public and people are trying to make a buck so they sell you stuff on the beach. This man wants to sell us hats, we say no thank you we need sombrero’s and he asks “do you want a free massage” well I was speechless for a moment and said on no thank you!

Day 2: People let me tell you something, just because you are on a balcony does NOT mean people cannot see you!!!! Guess what I can see you and yes I know you are in your underwear, stop dropping your towels on the balcony keep your nakedness to yourself! On the bright side we did get to see a wedding from our balcony! All guests did have clothes on!

Day 3: You must apply bronzer (okay not really). Famous last words “use the bronzer” we have a great base, we are wearing our sunscreen but we decide its time to add bronzer. All I have to say is ouch! They always seem like good ideas!

Oh and how can I forget. I was proposed to while sitting in the lounge having a drink with Rosie. Seems like I will make a lovely “porch wife” what does this mean you ask. Well this 30 year old man says that he wants a porch wife to sit on the porch with and read books and discuss the news. He also says I will make a great mother and should marry him and move to Indiana. I politely decline the offer, but not before he asks me if I would like to see his waxed stomach. Only me!

Day 4: Let’s head into town and see the local fair. Check out some vendors and what not. We hop into a taxi and head to the “flea market” is what the locals call it. As soon as we pull up we are crowded by lots of men trying to lure us in theirs stores! It’s a bit overwhelming but I manage to say that we are simply browsing and we just want to be left alone. Rosie want’s to buy a sombrero so we negotiate with a vendor and we get free shot glasses. We are also offered “blow”. I am trying to be polite as possible and say no thank you and you should not do it either this will give you a heart attack. The guy tells me it’s good for his wallet not his heart. So we move on and just walk around and take the bus back to the resort. The bus driver certainly thinks he is driving a ferrari because he decides who really needs breaks anyways! Lots of good laughs this day!!! I also decide since Rosie bought a sombrero why not do the Mexican Hat dance (that video can be found on my FB page).

Day 5: Slightly uneventful just a day in the sun, we celebrated another birthday at the restaurant and the creepy waiter asked for Rosie’s number. We head to the spa and discover that one visit is just not enough, so we book another for the next day! Rosie says to me that if I keep going back to the spa the guy who is doing the massages is going to think I am looking for a happy ending lol!!!!!

Day 6: Final Day, just soaking up the sun, catching up with the friends we have made throughout the trip. We hit the spa again, have a nice dinner, do a little shopping where I point out to the lady that she is doing her math wrong with the pesos and that her pricing is not correct. I have us about $40. Job well done.

We are home, safe and sound in one piece, we made tons of friends, had tons of laughs. We are relaxed, bronzed and and happy to see some family and friends!

Moral of the Story is: Go to Mexico, don’t listen to people that that tell you not to go! We had a blast, use your head, travel in pairs, don’t get smashed and head out with strangers! Bottom line is we had a blast! I am looking forward to my next adventure!

 


pantalones de banano

By this time next week, I will be taking a vacation for the first time to Mexico. While at lunch this week I spoke to a few of my friends that are:

1. Fluent in Spanish

2. Actually grew up in Mexico

What did I learn this week! We learned that the only Spanish that I speak is:

Please, Thank you, Banana, Pants, and wait for it, wait for it…….Where is Santa Clause! So my friends recommended a few things that they think I should say to find the man of my dreams in Mexico! You know because I have done so well here with amazing men, why not try my luck in Mexico.

I was told to ask some of the men: Me gusta dar largos paseos por la playa y un beso, which translates to: I like to take long walks on the beach and kiss.

or: quieres ser mi marido, which translates to would you like to be my husband

I was also told maybe I should ask the DJ to play the Lambada “The Forbidden Dance”

These are just a few ideas! I mean I am so grateful for the great advice. I think I am just going to sit back and relax and enjoy the sun while in Mexico.

The moral of the story here is: I should try to NOT speak Spanish in Mexico I don’t want to offend anyone with my amazing phrases that I learned this week. I certainly don’t want to be that crazy American girl that only knows how to say Banana Pants or pantalones de banano!

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ABI

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I have always had a knack for getting to the bottom of a case, and by case I mean finding out the who, what, where, when, why. However I am having a tough time cracking this case at the work place.

Months back I observed that people at the work place will eat just about anything. So if you put a sandwich out that has been out for hours that has mayo people will eat it!!! I say gross. One day at lunch (where I get most of my ideas) I decided to conduct a test. I surveyed about 20 people and said, if you saw a sandwich on the lunch table that had a bite taken out of it and could have possibly been licked would you eat it???? Most people said well who licked it so I said me! Most of them said yes I don’t have a problem with that. I say gross and this is why I don’t like to eat food that people bring in unless I know them personally! I mean people have you heard of germs, its just yuck!

Fast forward a few months and things go missing out of the fridge that are clearly parts of people’s lunches. We had someone who had veggies burgers in the fridge in a container and someone actually thought this was fair game, or when you have cold cuts in the fridge you take the last few slices, or this was great. I packed grapes in a ziploc bag and I know how much I put in the bag, I go to get the bag of grapes and half of them are gone. People unless it says for general consumption its not yours!

A friend of mine has said to me that I should do one of two things to catch the thief around the office.

1. Lick all the grapes that are left in the bag, because its just gross!

2. Rub each grape that is left in the bag in ex-lax and who ever calls in with the poops is the thief.

I say genius!

Moral of the story is: Don’t eat what is not yours! You never know what you are going to get…..and that is why I am ABI or Always Be Investigating!


Did they just say poop???? Yep that just happened!

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So the story holds true that no matter what age you are whether it be 1 or 91 poop humor is always fun, not sure why but it just is! This story will prove that true! It’s kind of gross but if you can’t have a good laugh then you might not want to read this blog!

Every day is entertaining at the workplace that is for sure, and this week was no different. We were sitting around the lunch table and not sure how this started but one of my friends tells us a story about a friend of his that he and all his friends dared to poop in his hand for $5.00 and they would capture this with photos (he was not under the influence of any substance). So his friend takes the bet and never gets paid and is not upset, I am completely flabbergasted by this! Actually everyone was flabbergasted over this and of course from this conversation we had to make more interesting.

So we asked each other what is your poop number??? What does this mean, well let me explain. How much would if take for you to poop in your hand and have someone photograph it! Well at first we started with $1000.00 not many folks were in and some even said there is no dollar amount that they would do this for. Then we upped the wager and said what about $10,000 and then $100,000 and gained more interest and so on and so on. Then we talked about for $1,000,000 American dollars (you always have to be specific, you never know what you will be paid in) would you do it. But lets take it one step further. You cannot take the photographs yourself right???? So who do you elect to do this for you and this is where the question comes in.

You are pooping in your hand for $1,000,000 American Dollars, who is taking the photos? Well I wanted to have a Survey Monkey but the crew voted against me and that did not happen so we just asked a bunch of different people! Most of the men said a stranger because they will just move on after and take their money, however the ladies were a bit different. Some said their mothers because after all they did change your diapers and have definitely have seen you at your worst, if I am being honest at some point we have probably puked on our mothers as infants, just saying!! Some said medical professionals because they see these kinds of things and they trust them.

So we have two questions here that need to be answered: What is your poop number? And who is taking the photos? I hope all the fans will play along!

Moral of the Story is: Everyone poops and it’s always funny!!!!! Hope you enjoy today’s poop humor!


Something’s Missing…….

This blog is not my typical! Not tons of laughs but tons of heart! I felt like lots of my friends and Facebook friends are going through some tough times so why not have some encouragement.

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So this time of year for me is a tough time of year. Why you ask? Well four years ago on February 4th at about 5:30PM I lost a very special person in my life. My Nonnie, she was a very special lady in my life. We all know about the circle of life, but that never makes it easier. When she got sick 4 years ago I knew the end was near and instead of constantly being a mess (which I was sometimes) I made it a point to visit her every day. I enjoyed all the time I spent with her and it was not sad! We had laughs and told stories and just enjoyed each other. I would like to think that throughout my life I was lucky to have thirty-two years with her. My Nonnie was dealt a very tough deck, but you would never know that. She always had a calming effect about her. I think she is the women who showed me how to be independent. I was dating someone once and she asked me how things were going and I said to her Nonnie its just not right he is not for me and she like no one else said to me “Michelle, only you know what is right for you”. Smart women! The moment she passed I suddenly panicked and thought to myself, she will never see me get married or have kids and that was so important to me. On the same note the moment she passed was the most peaceful experience of my life and I will always remember that moment.

Now that I look back at that moment I miss her terrible, I want to hear her voice and just have her around me. But I know she is always around me. I can feel her, sense her and smell her. For some who are believers I saw a psychic not too long ago and before I even sat down she said to me “Your grandmother is here, she has a message for you”. The women asked me if that was weird and I said no she is always with me. It’s so comforting to know that when people have passed that you can still feel them around you. She was not just my Nonnie she was my friend!

So this blog is for all people everywhere that are going through anything, whether is be a struggling child, a sick family member, a divorce or hardship. There is a light at the end of the tunnel friends and family are so important! Remember when times get tough you never get more than you can handle!

The moral of this story is: Life is what you make it! Don’t feel sorry for yourself be happy that the people around you truly love you and celebrate life!!! Tell people how you feel and don’t be afraid of your feelings!  Stop and smell the roses and always, always, always remember that laughter truly is the best medicine!!!!

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